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JANET And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Part 2)

Posted on January 12th, 2006 in agony of being a bengals fan by JANET ||

So where was I, again? Oh yeah, the game. Gee, how could I forget.

I’m still incredibly pissed off. It’s only now after a few days that I can at least form coherent sentences about what I witnessed on Sunday. Truthfully though, I’m not all that angry that Cincinnati lost the game.

I’ll let all of you in on a little secret…I was happy the Bengals lost against Kansas City. I didn’t want to play the Steelers in the first round of the Playoffs. I would much rather the Patriots had to deal with them on Wild Card Weekend.

Because I was scared of Pittsburgh? Yeah, as if. I didn’t want that game because I knew how it would be in the end. Two fierce division rivals, one up and coming and the other clinging desperately to their hold at the top. It was going to be an ugly, awful, grudge match of a football game, and I didn’t expect it to end well for either team.

Well, I was half right.

No, I’m not pissed about losing the game. What I’m angry about is…Akili Smith. I’m enraged regarding David Klingler. I’m mad because finally, after fifteen years, our Can’t Miss-quarterback finally didn’t. And now…what?

Oh, I know. It was an accident. This is football. It’s a dangerous game. The things just happen. Kimo von “I-was-blocked-into-Palmer-I-would-never-do-that-to-another-player-it-was-a-complete-accident-gosh-I’m-real-sorry-about-what-happened-

OH-GOLLY-GEE-I-DON’T-KNOW-HOW-MY-ARM-GOT-
WRAPPED-AROUND-HIS-
LEG-LIKE-THAT-JUST-LIKE-
I-WAS-TACKLING-HIM-IT-
MUST-HAVE-BEEN-THE-WIND-
YOU-KNOW-IT-SURE-WAS-
BLOWING-LIKE-CRAZY-AT-
THE-STADIUM-THAT-DAY”-

Oelhoffen is completely innocent.

For the past few months I’ve been saying that the Bengals were a year away. Next year if the defense came along as it should, and David Pollack’s beginning emergence as the stud defender we thought he could be is evidence of that, then Cincinnati would be a legitimate Super Bowl contender. Next year was going to be the year that the Bengals became a very real threat to win it all. And now?

Now, assuming everything goes well in rehab, Cincinnati might make the 2008 Playoffs. The best we had to hope for was that the tears to Palmer’s ACL and MCL were clean to make the repair easier. Yes, you read that right. All of Bengaldom was waiting for word that Palmer’s ligament system was completely torn apart, and that was the best news we could get. Apparently the surgery has gone well, so thank goodness for small favors.

Palmer won’t be 100% for next year. The best case is that the season after next Palmer has fully recovered and the Bengals have a chance to make the Playoffs. Worst case is that he can never take another snap in the NFL again. After fifteen years, our second-year starter, leader of the team, and valid 2005 NFL MVP choice could never play football again.

Am I being a little over the top with my melodrama? Perhaps. After fifteen years however, I think we’re all allowed to let the dramaqueen inside us all scream a little bit.

So what are we left with? Oh, that’s right! Assuming we sign him, we’ve got Jon Kitna! He’s one of the best backups in the league! After all, I totally didn’t see him running around the backfield for ten seconds like a complete idiot looking for someone to throw the ball to TWICE causing me to yell at my television as I was eating dinner off of a TV tray, “YOU’VE GOT TO THROW THE BALL JON!” did I?No, I couldn’t have. That must have been some other quarterback. That probably happened after I turned the game off with roughly six-plus minutes left in the fourth quarter to wash dishes, seven seconds after Kitna threw his second interception on the day (Two seconds saying “Damnit, Kitna” + two seconds to shake my head in disbelief + one second to set my fork down + one second to pick up the remote + one second to press the Power button. And yes, I timed it.).

At least my ice cream was good.

JANET And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Part 2)

OH-GOLLY-GEE-I-DON’T-KNOW-HOW-MY-ARM-GOT- WRAPPED-AROUND-HIS- LEG-LIKE-THAT-JUST-LIKE- I-WAS-TACKLING-HIM-IT- MUST-HAVE-BEEN-THE-WIND- YOU-KNOW-IT-SURE-WAS- BLOWING-LIKE-CRAZY-AT- THE-STADIUM-THAT-DAY”-

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OH-GOLLY-GEE-I-DON’T-KNOW-HOW-MY-ARM-GOT-
WRAPPED-AROUND-HIS-
LEG-LIKE-THAT-JUST-LIKE-
I-WAS-TACKLING-HIM-IT-
MUST-HAVE-BEEN-THE-WIND-
YOU-KNOW-IT-SURE-WAS-
BLOWING-LIKE-CRAZY-AT-
THE-STADIUM-THAT-DAY”-